Xing the Eurasia Continent

Hi, This is Hiroyuki Yoshihara from Tokyo, Japan.
I'm running away from Japan this July, not because of the Earthquake or the Nuclear Fears, but my responsibility and weakness.
Have you ever felt that you are really "ready" for it?
I KNOW that keeping on saying "I am not ready for anything" makes me look really stupid and coward.
But I grew with a disgusting precocity.
I saw too many ugly things for my age.
And I couldn't help defending myself by resignation.
Actually I saw many things, but my experiences couldn't follow my resignation.
I think I studied a little bit hard, and I read many books and watched many movies.
But they couldn't prevent me from feeling that I REALLY want to know this world.
With my eyes, my feeling, my body, my sense.
I know Chinese history a little but I have no chinese friend.
I studied about esprit by reading Descartes or some Europian philosophers, but I can’t define the border between my beastity and rationality.
My resignation once protected me from those fucking realities, but it's become a heavy burden on my shoulder now.
I've suffered from that burden and I hurt so many people for these a few years.
I can't explain very well, but I always wanted someone to share my burden and forced my friends, lovers and family members to soften my pain.
I realized this is insane.
Not facing my own pain to seek the way to get rid of this burden, I can’t love myself.
God, I want to love myself.
Someone who doesn’t care his or her life gently is someone who has no right to love others.
And I always knew that I have no right to love someone at all.
If your knowledge grows much faster than your experiment, that kills you slowly like hernia in your back.
THAT is the only thing I learned in University by my petty talent.
So I decided to run away from Japan to know this world with my own way.
Too much knowledge kills you, I guess.
I want to play soccer with an Afghanistan boy, I want to wander in Tiger Baum Garden with an Old Chinese lady, I want to discuss with a jarhead from Israel, I want to think who I really am by the Greek beach with a nameless old philosopher.
That is what I want for now.
I would commit suicide if someone stops me.
This burden is mine.
And I really need the reality of the dense diversity in this world to find out what this burden is.
I don't know what I am writing about right now.
So let's stop writing bullshits here.
I am coming to meet you.
I really need your help.
Thank you.